What's happening on the seemier side of Bonedale

Police Reports blatantly plagarized from the Valley Journal, Carbondale's friendly paper.

March 3: A member of the Carbondale police department, the Animal Control Officer,reported that she rode her bike to the station and parked it out back in the bike storage rack, but neglected to lock it. When she went back out to get it at 11 a.m., the bike was gone.

March 6: At about 3:45p.m., an officer saw some youths skateboarding at the Carbondale Skate Park without safety helments on their heads, and issued a "friendly springtime verbal warning" to the effect they needed to wear helmets to use the public skate park.

March 9: At about 10:30 am, police were called by an anonymous woman about what she said was a "suspicious vehicle and person at Sopris Park." It turned out to be a man reading the newspaper in his vehicle.

March 11: A neighbor of the Roaring Fork Transit Agency's bus barn in Carbondale reported that the RFTA buses had started up at 3am. RFTA officials admitted that the buses had started earlier than usual, and said they would "take care of the problem."

April 8: The High school office called to report two kids driving around town and skipping school. Police nabbed the pair and took them to the principal's office.

April 9: An officer came upon a Dodge Durango SUV parked in the middle of Main Street next to the theater. The driver said he had several filmmakers in the vehicle and was delivering film festival tickets to the theater. The officer advised him that he could not park in the middle of the street, and pointed to the parking lot across the street as a more appropriate place to be.

April 11: A police officer encountered a car that had broken down while in motion, assisted the driver by calling a mechanic.

April 13: A woman called to report a wild bird in her house. Police responded, captured the bird, and released it outside.

April 13: A citizen called to complain about loud music coming from the house two blocks away, police contacted the offending party and he agreed to turn the music down.

April 17: At shortly after midnight, a local woman who had discovered a mother raccoon with kittens in her attic, and had removed the kittens, called police for help in replacing the kittens back in the attic. An officer responded, put the kittens back in the attic successfully and without incident, and reported "I did my good deed for the day."

May 26: A woman called to report a man "running on Red Hill in the nude." The incident is being investigated.

May 22: Police issued two tickets to users of the Carbondale Skate Park, to teenagers whose identities are being withheld.

May 23: an anonymous citizen dropped off a rottweiler that had been found in the center of town. An abandoned 18-speed mountain bike was found in the center of town, and placed in the police holding area.

May 24: Police got a report of a $6 gas skip at the Cowan Center, and the car described by the clerk was leter stopped in Glenwood Springs and the driver was questioned by Glenwood Police. The driver, however, had a receipt for $20 worth of gas from the Cowan Center that day, and was released.

May 25: "Manny Wing-Nut", a neutered male cat, was reported missing by his owner. A man walked into the Carbondale Police Department to retrieve his impounded dog, but was arrested when police discovered an outstanding warrant from Garfield County. He was also ticketed for allowing his dog to run at large.

May 26: An officer watched a 14-year old boy drive a go-cart from Carbondale Middle School to his house at 7th and Colorado, and then ticketed the boy for careless driving.

June 10: At 10pm, officers were called to deal with "an unruly 11year-old girl disturbing a household." The situation was dealt with.

June 11: A homeowner reported that someone broke into his house that day and stole two bottles of Irish Whiskey. The perpetrator reportedly scrawled the words "midget" and "blow job" on the homeowner's van in cigarette ash. The matter is under investigation.

June 13: Beau, a female yellow lab, ran away from home.

July 1: A juvenile was contacted after an officer saw him carrying a stop sign. The boy said he got the sign from a friend. The officer advised him he couldn't ahve it and confiscated it.

July 3: Officers received a report of loud noises and singing coming from Sundial Park. Officers found a man, extremely intoxicated lying down in the park with his pants to his kees. He was taken to Detox and left outside the door when he refused a breath test.

July 5: Officers were called out to talk to two 12-year-old boys about respecting their parents and obeying the rules.

July 5: Officers responded toa call about someonw playing the guitar too loud and spoke to the "culprit musician".

July 5:Officers assisted in finding the owners of nine wandering cows and one big bull.

July 7: a woman called to report that her 15-year-old red lawn mower had been stolen.

July 8: a man was trapped in the bathroom at the Cowan Center and called 911.

July 8: A horse was reported running down Highway 133, officers herded the horse into the high school baseball field parking lot and called the horse whisperer to catch it. The owner was called and retrieved his horse.

July 9: Officers responded to a call about a man illegally dumping his cardboard at the high school. When approached, the man said he'd been doing it for years and thought it was legal because he paid taxes for the school.

Sept. 5: A man called the police to request extra patrol in the area of Miners Park for loud stereos and cars racing. Officers will be spending more time there.

Oct 7: Officers recieved a call of a person yelling in the skate park at about 10:35PM. Officers contacted a young man who said he wasy praying. The man asked to see a pastor.

Oct. 9: At 9:35Pm, the Comfort Inn called to report that someone had vandalized their pool and hot tub. Suspects apparantly dumped all plants, chairs, and tables into the pool and hot tub.

Oct 15: At 6PM and again at 7PM, a man called police to ask that they check on his home while he was out of town. The man suspected that his two teenage boys were going to have a party and gave police written permission to enter the home and check all the rooms to make sure no other teenagers were in theouse. The police checked the house twice and found it quiet and dark.

Oct. 16: A State Trooper called to report that he almost hit a horse on Highway 133 and Keator Lane at about 11PM. The trooper reported that the horse ran out in front of him. The owner was notified, and the horse was taken back to its pasture. Police helped repair the fence where the horse escaped.

Nov. 6: At 4:10pm, an officer noticed a Port-O-Pottie knocked over in Triangle Park.

Nov. 7: An officer responded to an alarm at a business. The officer was alone and with no backup. He entered the unlocked business and was greeted by a suspicious, felon-looking parrot, who told the officer "Hello". After an intense interrogation, all the officer could get out of him was "Hello". An employee of the business came by and gave the bird an alabi.

Nov. 8: Officers observed that the portable radar trailer by the Cowen Center wasn't working. It was discovered that somebody hadbroken the solar panle with a rock or hammer. A replacement will cost $490.

Nov. 8. Officers observed a motorist park in the middle of the road on Main Street, get out of his car, and go talk to a friend. The man was found to be driving under the influcence.

Jan 21: At 10:35 p.m., officers contacted a vehicle for failing to turn on headlights. The female driver was approached, but upon further investigation the officer discovered the driver was actually a man dressed up as a woman. The 37-year-old man/woman din't have a valid driver's license and the car was confiscated until someone came with a valid driver's license.

Jan. 27: At 2:55 p.m. officers responded to a report of a vehicle driving on highway 133 with a gasoline hose attached. The driver of the car returned the hose to the Co-Op.

Jan. 10: At 2:47 p.m. a woman called to report that she had found a chihuhua in her yard. The dog was taken to the kennel and later a woman called looking for a chihuahua. The owner was advised to get a dog tag for her pooch.